Groceries

I've never been a grocery store cashier and I've often wondered (albeit fleetingly) what they thought about the contents of people's shopping baskets and what they tell them. I mean, in between getting worked up about when they can take their break or slow price checkers or the myriad of excuses some customers have of why they can't find their wallet or dealing with people trying to get away with stuff ("I thought ALL the juice boxes were 2 for 1")... you gotta wonder what really goes through their heads when they are scanning your stuff.

Yesterday I stopped at Superstore on the way home. I bought milk, turkey breast sandwich meat, cheese, juice, canned peaches, and a box of brownie mix. I will admit that I've become something of a grocery store connoisseur recently - checking flyers and comparing Safeway to Save-on-Foods to Superstore. There are a few key items I have earmarked to define which grocery stores have cheaper stuff. By far Superstore is the cheapest (box of brownie mix, approx $2.00; where the same/similar at Safeway is, at best, 2 for $5.00 on sale; long english cucumbers are $2.88 for 3 whereas at Safeway they are $1.98 for one, sometimes on sale for $0.99). But I find Superstore a little like Costco - the savings come when you buy in bulk. There is no way I can finish off 3 cucumbers in a week, or even two weeks. Unless I have salad and/or use it as sandwich filler EVERY DAY before it rots on me.

Then there is the organic grocery store, the one that sells the 'organic' cheese puffs. Organic as in, made with real cheese and baked! not fried. With snooty (and possibly high on MJ) grocery clerks to boot. Everything is expensive. $2.79 for a bag of cheesepuffs that is 1/3 the size of a bag of Cheetos. I like going in there to look at stuff but rarely buy anything unless it's a brand name I've recognized or vegetables, which have no brand name... I'm sorry, I'm not going to pay $2.59 for a chocolate bar because it's made with fairly traded cocoa beans from some South American nation... not because I'm against fair trade... but because frankly, I like my Coffee Crisp. So there. The clerks are another story. They judge you, I know they do. I bought my organic cheese puffs and a head of brocoli and didn't have a reuseable grocery bag with me and oh, the look I got. Such disdain. It makes me feel sorry I'm not a tofu-eating, hairy-legged lefty vegan post-doc student sitting on my high horse and judging the world because with all the degrees I have in Fine Arts, Women's Studies, and... more Women's Studies, I still can't find gainful employment that allows me to pay off my student loans and get a haircut. Oh sorry... /end rant.

Despite the bargains at Superstore and the "Well, it's better for you" bent of the organic food store, I like Safeway better because it is somehow less intimidating. Maybe it's the lower ceilings. Generally friendly (and widely available) staff (not on rollerblades). Free bags (although they tend to use more than necessary). The off-hand chance I might win a free Bulova watch, cordless phone, snowboard, or vacuum cleaner just for swiping my Safeway card and watching the Canucks score on Sportsnet TV. Stuff like that makes me want to shop there rather than save $5.00 on bargains or spend $5.00 more for a cleaner conscience.

But the point of this post is about what's in the grocery cart, and whom can be categorized as "can't cook" or "cooking to impress" or "having a party" or perhaps other categories I will make up along the way as I continue:

• "Can't cook" - a basket/cart full of TV dinners, pre-cooked frozen everything, pre-packaged individual cups of pudding, and maybe a bag of peeled cut 'baby' carrots just to make it seem one isn't entirely dependent on their microwave... they can eat raw, too.
• Not to be confused with "Don't feel like cooking" - basketful of the basics (milk, juice, veggies, etc to last a week or so), plus deli pre-cooked food obviously picked up for this evening's dinner - hey, it's better than KFC at least.
• "Cooking to impress" - Impress as in, 'get laid' or 'have important question to ask ' or 'holding a dinner party to show off' or 'break up': a cart with any of the following items: salmon, beef steaks, cuts of lamb, deli-cut pancetta (not bacon), baguettes, pesto, fresh cut herbs, strawberries and whipping cream. The strawberries and whipping cream go together - without the whipping cream the strawberries may just indicate, hey, he likes strawberries.
• "Have pot-luck dinner to go to, can't be bothered to make anything" - pre-made deli platters or cakes, tub of potato salad or coleslaw. Mmm mmm classy.
• "Having a party" - pre-made deli platters or cakes, watermelon (seasonal), crackers, too many bottles of pop/juice and economy sized bags of chips that couldn't possibly be eaten within a couple weeks by a single person (or family for that matter, unless you have seriously bad eating habits, but I won't get into that now), oddities such as camembert cheese and bottles of antipasto. "Fresh" salsa vs. Tostitos brand.
• Not to be confused with "Just broke up, isn't it obvious?" - a cart full of junk food and ice cream. In this case it is quite possible that an economy sized bag of chips (in fact several) can be eaten by a (newly) single person.
• "Just ran out of stuff" - Milk, cheese, fruit, bread, and the odd-one-out item ingredient missing, required to complete tonight's dinner, such as green onions or pasta sauce, or 48 slices of Kraft Singles.
• "Buying stuff to distract the real purpose of this shopping trip" - very odd, un-themed purchases, such as a stick of salami, toothbrush, and condoms.

Got any other categories?